I Am the Blessed Mother of Four Adult Children and Grandmother of Nine

God has gifted us with family whether it’s through a personal family, within the structure of the church, or with dear friends. In her book What Is A Family?, Edith Schaeffer answers the question in this way: “A family is a formation center for human relationships. The family is the place where the deep understanding that people are significant, important, worthwhile, with a purpose in life, should be learned at an early age. The family is the place where children should learn that human beings have been made in the image of God and are therefore very special in the universe. In other words, one is not simply to sit with a set of sentences to teach by rote memory, while every action and example is denying the words. The sets of words to be taught should be the true Word of God. The Bible tells of the things which children should be learning at an early age in order to find out how human beings are to treat other human beings…” 

I think motherhood and discipleship go hand in hand. I love how the apostle Paul uses the words “little children” and “true son” in many of his epistles to show the familial love he had for his disciples and to encourage us to develop that same love for those who come into our sphere of influence. The following are some things God has taught me over the years about what I call “spiritual mothering”, which applies to discipleship as well: 

1. Do not set limits for your children or others based on age, ability level, and education. In our homeschool, my spiritual immaturity (as a new believer myself) allowed me to identify with my children as we studied the Bible. We learned together despite differences in age and reading abilities; we studied and discussed Scripture so all could participate and grow. I am amazed at how even infants will respond to God’s Word! Paul discipled Timothy despite his youth and taught him strong doctrine (1 Tim. 4:12-16). 

2. Realize that every person has a unique relationship with God. He made Man to be His image bearer (Gen. 1:26), to reason and have intellect, will, and emotions. A believer’s sanctification and good works were ordained before time began! As spiritual mothers, we need to encourage our children to seek the strengths and desires God has given them without directing them to areas of our choosing.

3. Spiritual mothering requires humility. Our children are not perfect just as we are not perfect. We all struggle with indwelling sin and fail multiple times. Peter instructed, “all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for ‘God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’ Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time…” (1 Peter 5:5-6). Our children are not our trophies to gain the commendations of men. God uses our spiritual mothering to shape not only our children but us. Elisabeth Elliot said, “The process of shaping the child… shapes also the mother herself. Reverence for her sacred burden calls her to all that is pure and good, that she may teach primarily by her own humble, daily example.”

4. Spiritual mothering requires communication. This area, I fear, is being lost among our children amid the influence of social media and cell phones. God created us to be relational beings; that is revealed throughout Scripture. Even in Genesis 1, the Trinity was communicating during creation, ordering something to be and then declaring it “good.” The need to communicate has not ceased, but we are finding ourselves more likely to “talk” through Instagram, Facebook, or a text message than to talk face to face. Talking to our children is not truly communicating; we need to learn to talk with them. In Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Tedd Tripp writes, “The finest art of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts. It is learning how to draw out the thoughts of another.” Understanding what a child (or teen or adult) is thinking is foundational in developing a relationship. Young children need to learn to communicate instead of being ignored or given the impression they are a “bother.” What a treasure we miss when we brush off the attempts of our children to converse with us. Parents who fail to engage in meaningful conversation with their children may affect the future, leaving their children to grow and mature without having the ability to adequately communicate their thoughts and feelings.

Prayerfully seeking God’s leading to be a godly mother (or mentor) is one of our greatest responsibilities. Children have hearts that are alien to God, so should we not expect struggles? I simply looked at my life before coming to Christ and it helped me to understand my children’s behavior! Our children need the same grace that we received to come to faith. May we work with a grace-giving passion that the gospel be known to all generations.